Simply Speechless
by xxXXAlaNXXxx
Summary: Love brought them together and love will make them fall apart
1. Chapter 1

Title: Simply Speechless.  
Rating: M: Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with possible strong but non-explicit adult themes, references to violence, and strong coarse language.

Main Characters: Nathan Gray, Michael Porter.  
Summary: Love brought them together and love will make them fall apart.  
Genre: Romance, drama

_I knew my life will never be the same when I met that guy, he was about to change my world upside down an I didn't even notice, even in this surreal world this just doesn't seem right, maybe this should've never happen, maybe I made the worst mistake of my life by meeting him, but now I just can't live without him, this world will turn black if he leaves, that's for sure…_

Chapter 1.

Michael's pov.

"Michael, are you ok?" my friend Randi asked me.  
"Yeah, why do you ask?" I said.  
"Well, you seem distracted, that's all" she said.  
"Well, you really know me" I said "actually I'm not ok"  
"What's the matter babe?" she said.  
"Well, is this new guy" I told her, Randi was the only person that knows I'm gay.  
"Nathan?" she asked.  
"Yes, him" I said "he's cute and I like him"  
"And the problem is…" she was smiling at me.  
"Well, the problem is that he doesn't even know I exist" I blushed.  
"Oh sweetie, don't get down for this" she said "you got to remember that people aren't gonna just see you and fall in love with you, this things take time"  
"Yeah, I know" I sighed "but I just don't know how to act around him"  
"Just relax and be yourself" she said "don't force things"  
"And I don't even know if he's 'gay'" we laughed.  
"Well that can be a problem" she smirked and we laughed again.

I went to work (yes, I'm a working teenage) just to se him again, he was too gorgeous to ignore him, his lips, his hair, his eyes, everything about him makes me go crazy, I saw him entering the store when I was crossing the street, I entered the store and put on my vest, his job was to accommodate new merchandise and mine was to attend the cash register. I could saw him work for hours, and it was easy because the never had too may costumers.  
"Hey Michael, what's up" Nathan said to me and my heart started to beat faster and faster.  
"Not much" I said "it's been kind of a boring day here, don't you think?"  
"Well, in that case, I got good news" he smirked "I'll go to a party later, wanna come?"  
"Sure" I said and my voice went an octave higher for the excitement.  
"Ok then, meet you there" he told me giving me a little piece of paper "Nine pm"  
"Nine pm" I repeated.

At that point I hadn't realized that it was time to go home, I took off my vest, put it in my locker and drove off, I read the paper Nathan gave me earlier, it had an address written. When I got home it was 8:30pm already, I rushed into the bathroom to take a shower and brushed my teeth twice, I drove to the party and when I got there it seemed like the house was closed because a bunch of people were standing on the front yard, I parked the car and got out, I saw Nathan leaning on his car, smoking a cigarette, he was wearing tight leather jeans and a leather jacket, I walked towards him and his face lit up when he saw me.  
"Michael, you made it" he said.  
"I told I'd be here" I said, he smiled. "Where's the party?" I asked.  
"It's right here" he smirked.  
"Really?" I said upset.  
"Hey, relax, they're opening the door right now" he said and the door of the house opened.  
We went inside the house but it looked like a night club, the beaming lights and the music were hypnotizing, the music was so loud that Nathan had to stand really close to me so we could keep talking.  
"What you think of my friend's house" he said to my ear.  
"It's really nice" I said to his ear and I took a whiff of his cologne, he smelled so good that it was difficult to fell apart from him.  
"And what about the party?" he asked.  
"It's great" I said  
"Wanna get a drink?" he said.  
"Sure, let's go" I said.  
We went to a table on a corner of the living room and grab a couple of beers, the lights kept beaming and the music kept playing, we drank like twelve beers each and I began to feel drunk, it was all so confusing so I told Nathan that I was going outside and he followed me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

"Are you ok?" he asked me.  
"Yeah, I just feel a little dizzy, that's all" I answered.  
"Do you need a ride home?" he said blushing a bit.  
"No" I said and start walking, but I tripped over and almost fell.  
"I'm thinking yes" he smirked "let's go, give me your keys".  
I couldn't object so I gave him my keys and we went into my car.  
The ride home was relaxing, or maybe I felt it that way because I was alone with him, inside of the car was dark but the streetlights lit up his face enough for me to see him, I think I was staring but I didn't mind and neither do him.

He slowed down and I realized we were near to the store.  
"Where are we going?" I asked.  
"We'll make our own party" he whispered.  
"What are you talking about?" I said.  
"Come on, wanna have some fun?" he said.  
I didn't know what to say so I followed him to the store, he had a spare key, he opened and we entered, the lights went on and I freaked out a bit but he grabbed my hand and whispered to my ear that he lit them up, he didn't let my hand go and I didn't want him to, this was almost too perfect, except for the fact that we were in the store and we could get arrested.  
He dragged me to the freezer where he stored the beers and grabbed a twelve-pack, he opened one and gave it to me and opened other one to him, we finished drinking the twelve-pack between jokes and funny stories and we decided it was time to go home when we saw it was 3 in the morning.  
"Maybe we should go" he said trying to get up, I just nodded.  
"Hey Nathan" I said.  
"Yes?" he said.  
"I think I'm wasted" I said; I was definitely drunk.  
"Well, then let's go home" he said laughing.  
He drove to my place a bit quicker than the last time, we got there only a half an hour later, I got off of the car and he followed me, I was about to past out when he grabbed me so I won't fell to the floor and get me inside the house.

I woke up with a major headache and feeling like shit, I headed to the bathroom and held on to the door when I almost fell, was I still drunk?  
I brushed my teeth so I won't threw up and then I went to the living room just to see Nathan sleeping on the couch, he seemed like a little kid, he was so cute that I left him there and went outside. I sat on the stairs, closed my eyes and started counting; I don't know why, when I reached one-hundred and six the door slammed.

"Hey, you're up" Nathan said.  
"Would you mind not to scream?" I said making a face.  
"Sorry" he whispered "I hope you don't mind that I stayed here last night"  
"Not at all, I should have told you to" I said a little ashamed.  
"Actually, you told me to" he smirked.  
"Well, that's great" I said and he started laughing.  
"Want some breakfast?" he asked.  
"No thanks" I would have threw up if I ate something.  
"I think I should go" he said.  
"No, stay for a while" I said, he gave me a curious look.  
"I got to go to work" he said, I nodded my head.  
I watched him go with the memory of the greatest night of my life, the night I spent with him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

I took a shower and get ready to go to work; my mind was still confused about what happened last night, I know that what happened was a one night only thing and that was really disappointing, I got dressed and went to work.  
He was already there, looking as good as always, he waved at me when he saw entering through the door of the store and I smiled at him.  
Work time went fast and I didn't get a chance to talk to Nathan, I wanted to but it was like the universe was against me, when I got out of work I went to Randi's house and told her about what happened last night.

"What do you think?" I asked after telling her the story about the party.  
"Well, I don't' know what to say" she admitted.  
"Come on, do you think he's into me?" I said.  
"Maybe" she said "but, as I said before, take it easy, people aren't…"  
"I know, people aren't gonna fall from me immediately" I interrupted her, we both started laughing.  
"Exactly" she smirked.  
Then I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, I pulled it out and see that I got a message from Nathan.  
"Who is it?" Randi asked.  
"It's a sms from Nathan" I said, and she took away my phone and read it out loud.  
"Nice party last night, we should do it again, Nathan." She read.  
"Really, that's what it says?" I asked nervous.  
"Here, read it" she said tossing me my phone.  
I read it; she wasn't lying, I felt my heart speeding up its beating and I felt how my face turned red, Randi just started laughing.  
"What's so funny?" I said turning my face away.  
"Nothing" she said laughing.  
"Yeah, I better go" I said.  
"No, please" she said "stay for dinner, I'll cook"  
"That's another reason to leave" I smirked, she stuck out her tongue.  
I went home driving at low speed thinking about that message, what does he meant with that? Was it serious or was it just a joke? I was hoping it was for real but I knew I wasn't that lucky, either way I decided to ask him tomorrow, at work.

That night I had the weirdest dream of my life, I was at work with Nathan and he came to me and kissed me, then he went out and I followed him, he turned around to face me, when we were outside of the store he punched me in the guts, I woke up sweating and breathing hardly, it felt so real that I could feel the pain on my stomach, I saw the clock and it said 3:00 am, I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep again so I got up and made some scrambled eggs, I ate watching TV.

When I decided it was late enough to go to work I changed my clothes and went straight to the store, he wasn't there yet, and that was good, that way I would have more time to think about what I was gonna say to him. When he entered I started sweating again, but I wasn't gonna let that stop me.  
"Hey Nathan" I said when he passed next to me.  
"Hi Michael" he said.  
"Can I ask you something?" I said.  
"Sure, what's up?" he said and I could see the curiosity on his face.  
"Well, I was wondering, what did you mean with that message?" I said.  
"I meant that we should do it again" he said with a huge smile on his face.  
"Really?" I asked shocked.  
"Yeah, for real, it was fun" he smirked.  
"Well, wanna go for a drink this Saturday?" I dare to ask.  
"I would love to" he said.  
"That's a date" I said regretting about saying that in the instant the words came out of my mouth.  
"That's a date" he repeated smiling.  
I went behind the cash register and stayed there all day long, until it was time to close, I still couldn't believe that Nathan used the word "date", I knew it didn't mean the same to him that it did to me, but somehow that didn't affect my enthusiasm.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

That week passed so fast that I couldn't believe it was Friday when Nathan told me after closing the store "Are we going out tomorrow?" and I just nodded, I went home so excited, Saturday was gonna be the greatest day ever.

I woke up at four in the morning, I wasn't gonna be able to sleep anymore so I went to the kitchen and grabbed a soda, I sat on the couch and turned on the TV, I began to zap without paying attention to the TV, I was too nervous about what was gonna happen later, I began to fall asleep almost right away.

I opened my eyes and saw it was nine pm, I got ready to go out with Nathan, and for some reason I fell like it was going to be a real date, I knew I was growing too many hopes but it felt that way.

The road to the store (where we agreed to gather) felt shorter than ever, I saw Nathan on the parking lot but his car wasn't there, that was weird, I parked close to where he was and got out of the car.

"Where's your car?" I asked.  
"I left it at home" he said smiling.  
"Why?" I said.  
"'Cuz I knew you would come in yours" he said, and we both laughed.  
"Are you ready to go?" I said feeling a bit more comfortably.  
"Sure" he said getting into the car.

I drove to a coffee shop on the other side of town, he saw me with a confused look on his face when I parked there.

"What's the matter?" I asked  
"Nothing" he said "I just love this place but I didn't think anyone else knew it"  
"Well, I know it because my friend Randi works in here" I admitted "but the place is great"  
"I know" he smirked.

We went inside and I saw Randi cleaning a table for two, right on time, it was a corner table, I told Nathan that we should sit there because it was empty and clean already and he agreed.

I was with Nathan in a coffee shop, we were sitting next to each other and it was almost night, we were laughing so hard for a joke he told me, this was a real date, well, almost a real date, something was missing for this to be real, suddenly, without notice he gave me a kiss, it was soft, his breath over me was mesmerizing, first he moved his lips against mine very softly but then he began to get inpatient, then he pulled away and went outside of the coffee shop, I followed him.

"Where are you going?" I asked him.  
"I just needed some air" he said.  
"Are you ok?" I said because his face was burning in red, he seemed so lovely.  
"Yeah, I'm fine" he said.  
"Then tell me, what just happened in there?" I said trying to figure out why he kissed me.  
"I don't know" he said " I got carried away"  
"That's it?" I asked a little confused.  
"Here's the thing Michael" he said "I'm gay, you might not understand it, that's it"  
"Really" I asked surprised.  
"What do you mean? Don't you wanna knock me down?"  
"Why would I wanna do that?" I said almost laughing.  
"Ok this is awkward" he said "can I ask you something?"  
"Sure, anything" I said without thinking about it.  
"Michael, are you gay?" he asked.  
"Yes, I am gay" I answered almost laughing "why do you think I didn't knock you down when you kissed me"  
"Oh no" he said.  
"What's wrong?" I asked.  
"Look, Michael" he said "the thing is that I like you, but I can't be with you"  
"Why" I asked hurt.  
"It's not you, for real, it's just that I kind of have a couple right now" he said, he sounded ashamed.

I wasn't sure about what I was supposed to do, so I ran to my car without even saying goodbye, I drove home crying all the way, I felt like a stupid, I knew it was too good to be truth, I knew I was gonna end up like this, crying for him and feeling like and idiot for letting myself feel something for him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

The next day I called Randi and told her everything that happened, including the kiss, and I told her about a decision I couldn't take by myself, I wanted to quit my job, she told me to calm down and also told me I must go on with my life.  
"Look, this isn't the end of the world" she said, but she was wrong, it was the end of my world.  
"It's not that simple" I said.  
"Yes it is" she said "it's a simple decision, do you want to move on or not?"  
"Of course I want to move on, continue with my life, but it's gonna be so hard to see him everyday" I cried.  
"No one said it was gonna be easy" she said "but you have to find the strength to live with it"  
"Thanks Randi" I said softly "you always know what to say to make everything ok"  
"That's my job" she laughed "bye sweetie"  
"Bye" I said hanging up the phone.

I got dressed and went to work decided not to let this affect me, when I entered to the store he wasn't there yet, I put on my vest and went to the cash register, as usual, and I stood there staring at the door and waiting for someone that never showed up, it was eight pm so I went home, I wasn't in the mood to do anything so I sprawled on the couch and fall asleep immediately.

"Michael, are you there?" a voice followed by three knocks on the door waked me up, 'what time is it?' I thought, I stumbled to the door and opened it.  
It was dark outside so probably I didn't sleep for too long, he was standing there, right outside my door, staring at me and I couldn't move; I was frozen.  
"Can I come in?" he asked.  
"Sure, come in" I said walking to the fridge "Do you want a beer?"  
"Ok" he said sitting on the couch.  
I grabbed two beer cans from the fridge and went to the living room hoping this was a dream.  
"Aren't you gonna sit?" he asked giving me a weird look.  
"I rather to be stand" I said asking myself what to do.  
"Well, here's the thing" he said unexpectedly "I came here to apologize"  
"There's nothing to apologize" I said staring at the ceiling.  
"But anyway, I need to get this off of my chest" he said.  
"C'mon Nathan, we're not children anymore" I said "what happened yesterday was a mistake but I've already forgot it"  
"Maybe you've forgot it but I don't" he said "so I can't be around you, it's too hard"  
I froze again, it felt like every inch of my body was made of stone, I didn't know what to expect when I saw him outside but definitely this wasn't it, I stood there while my mind was trying to believe this was a dream, he stood up and walked towards me, I was still frozen, he kept getting closer until he could grab my hand and took away the beer can I was holding throwing it away, my hands began to sweat, he pulled me close to him and reached his lips to my ear and whispered.

"Don't be scared"

I felt his warm breath on my ear and I felt a shiver running through my whole body, he stepped back and I automatically pressed his hands still grabbing mines, he looked at me and smiled, then he leaned to me and our lips barely touched making me gasp desperately for air, he let go a little laughter and pressed his lips hardly against mine, we kissed again and I felt like everything was right at that moment, but a tiny part of me felt guilty because I knew he had a couple, and on the exact moment I doubted I felt him disappearing from my arms, he was gone immediately, I ran to the door to try to catch him but he wasn't there, I ran through the woods in front of my house screaming his name, trying to reach something that I couldn't catch, after a while I didn't know what I was looking for, and then I realized that there was nothing to pursue, there was nothing out there, just me, there was nothing, everything lost it's sense and I stopped running, I stood still and then I sat on the ground, I couldn't see a thing, there was nothing to guide me, I was more alone that ever, the cold hit me suddenly and I grabbed my legs with my arms to control the shivering of my body, I laid on the ground to make it easier to control myself, and I turned to my left when I felt the floor disappearing.

I fell from the couch hitting myself with the edge of my coffee table, I opened my eyes and realized it was all a dream, it was all a nightmare, I ran to my bedroom and crawled into my bed closing my eyes and wishing for a calmed night.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

The rest of the week was normal, or as normal as it could be, everything came back to its place, and my visits to Randi's house became more common, but my dreams were still about him.

Friday, last day of the week I had to work, I was calmed and on a good mood, I drove with my window down and listening music after a long time, everything was going perfect until I got to the store and saw them there, Nathan was holding this guy's hand and he was kissing Nathan's cheek, I felt sick immediately, I almost threw up, I stepped out of the car and ran to the store hoping they won't see me, I took the decision without even thinking it, I went straight to the manager's office and gave him my vest, I also told him about my decision.

"I quit" I spat hardly.  
"Excuse me, Mr. Porter?" he asked.  
"You heard me, I quit" I said.  
"Well, I regret to hear that" he said moving his head and taking off his glasses.  
"I have to go" I mumbled, not knowing what to do.  
"Please, come on Monday to pick up your last pay check" he said.  
"Ok" I said and leave.

I went straight to my car, I didn't see if Nathan or that other guy saw me, but I didn't care anyway.

I drove off with no direction for a while, until I decided to go to Randi's house, she was cooking, as always, and the smell caught me right when I got inside the house.

"Something smells good" I said to her.  
"Oh my God, Michael!" she yelled and ran to hug me, "what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at work"  
"Yeah, about that…" I mumbled "I quitted"  
"What?" she spat surprised.  
"I'm sorry" I apologized.  
"Oh, honey, what happened?" she asked pulling me to the couch.  
"I couldn't stand been there anymore" I said, "I saw him with another guy"  
"And you quitted" she finished my sentence.  
"About that, can you get me a job at the cafeteria?" I asked.  
"Sure" she said "we need a new waiter"  
"Thanks" I said.  
"No problem" she said softly "you can stay here if you want"

We spent the rest of the day together and I slept there the whole weekend. We went to the cafeteria early on Monday to spoke to the manager, he was glad hiring me, and I needed the job so I began to work that day.

My days were calmed and normal, but nights were all nightmares about him, actually it was only one nightmare repeating over and over again, night after night. It repeated for so long that it lost its sense after a while, until I stopped having it.

Now my life was in order again, it was like I've never met him, like he never existed, it's a typical Tuesday night, we're about to close when this red-hair girl comes into the cafeteria, wet from head to toes, because it was raining, and sits on a table.

"Your turn" Randi said to me.  
"Hello, my name's Michael, can I take your order?" I said.  
"Am I ugly, Michael?" she asked suddenly.  
"Excuse me?" she took me by surprise.  
"Am I not pretty? Do I smell bad? Am I ugly?" she seemed to be talking with herself.  
"No you're not" I answered anyway "You're very pretty" I said.  
"Then, why does every guy I'm with ends up leaving me?" she cried.  
"Maybe because every guy you've been with is a complete asshole" I said and she smiled.  
"Take this example" she said "I just saw my 'boyfriend' making out with his 'ex'" she said.  
"Been there, done that" I said sitting in front of her.  
"Really?" she asked giving me a curious look.  
"Yes, I said the guy liked with his boyfriend" she thought I was joking so she laughed and I laughed too.  
"I'm sorry, I'm Amanda" she laughed again.

We began to talk and she told me how she found out that the guy she was dating has a girlfriend, and I told her about Nathan and how he almost ruined my life, after the cafeteria closed I invited her to my place and she agreed knowing that I was gay, and we spent the rest of the night watching TV and telling jokes, Amanda was a really sweet girl, and I felt a weird connection with her, we fall asleep on the couch, me hugging her, but neither of us minded.

The next day she showed up again on the cafeteria at the same hour she did the night before, but this time she was happy, and she was looking for me, we repeated what happened the night before, and we repeated for two weeks, it was so relaxing to be with her, she was really growing into me.

One of those nights we decided to get drunk, actually we decided to drink a couple of beers, but two became four, and four became eight, and eight became twelve, and after that I lost the count.

"Oh my god, I'm so drunk" she said laughing.  
"Me too" I agreed.  
"I think I'm about to pass out" she laughed again.  
"As long as you don't puke on the carpet, I'm ok" I managed to mumble.  
"I was thinking on doing something worse than that" she said giving me a weird look.  
"And, what is it?" I asked.

She didn't respond, she crawled to where I was, I was too drunk to see it coming, and she kissed me, at first I didn't know what to do, but then I got carried away and I kissed her back, or maybe I was imagining she was him, she pulled away hardly and we were both gasping for breath, she stood up and run to the bathroom, and I followed her, she threw up in a bucket I gave her while I was holding back her hair, after that we went to sleep, she slept on the bedroom and I did on the couch.

I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had, and when I went to woke Amanda up she was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

'What happened last night?' I asked myself while making me a cup of coffee; I spent the whole morning trying to figure out what I feel, because Amanda is making me feel something really strong, something that is way beyond friendship, I thin I love her, this is too complicated, I needed time to think and breath some fresh air, so I grabbed my keys and went to my car. I drove with no direction for a while until I got to a park close to Randi's house. I parked there and went to talk to her.

"Hi Randi" I said.

"Hi sweetie, nice to see you" she said giving me a smile that made me feel warm inside.

"Yeah, I needed some fresh air" I said, staring at the floor.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly, still smiling.

"Nothing" I said to my sleeve.

"Yeah, right" she mocked "you can't fool me" she smirked.

"Ok, you win, as always" I laughed softly, she chuckled softly.

"Come on, you can tell me" she said hugging me.

"It's Amanda" I said.

"Did something happen" I didn't understand the meaning of the question.

"I don't know" I said with my head down.

"What did you two kids do?" she asked with the hint of a horror look on her face.

"Well, we got wasted" I stopped for a minute but then I continued "and we kissed"

She didn't say anything, she just stood there like a statue, I didn't move either, expecting her to say something, a minute passed, then two and three and we were still there staring at each other, her face had a worried look and I don't want to imagine mine. "I have to go" I said after, not knowing what to do. I got up and went to my car. I sat there and stare at the windshield.

I went back home, lock myself in my room and closed the windows to crawl into my bed. I closed my eyes tight and tried to sleep.

When I opened my eyes my room was dark, I only saw a part of the poster on the wall, lighted by the beam of moonlight entering through the window. I saw my clock on the wall, it was eleven pm. I got up and went to the kitchen, looking for something to eat when someone knocked the door. A de jà vu feeling invaded me. I opened the door and Amanda was there, at that point I hadn't realized that it was raining. She was all wet, like the night I met her. I let her in and she went straight to crash on the couch. I sat on the other couch and stood there, waiting for her to say something.

"Hello Frank" she said, she was shivering.

"Hi Amanda" I said.

"I-I don't re-really know wh-wh-what I'm doing here" she stammered.

"Well, you can stay if you like" I said softly.

"Thanks" she said, she sounded sincere.

"The bathroom is right over there" I said pointing to the bathroom door.

"Thank you so much" she said getting up and going to the bathroom.

She took a shower and I borrow her some clothes, she slept in my room, and I slept on the couch, but I didn't mind.

When I woke up she was sitting on the floor, watching me sleep and drinking a cup of coffee. She seemed happy, her expression contrasted with the sad and grey day outside.


End file.
